Pat Honiotes, M.S.
It was 1952 and there I was… a 5 year old little girl standing in the wings of a huge theater waiting for my turn to perform in The Little Miss Grand Island Beauty Pageant in Grand Island, Nebraska. I watched as all the other little girls recited their cute little poems and sang the usual songs 5-year-olds sing , like Mary Had a Little Lamb and London Bridge Has Fallen Down…but not me. I had worked on something truly special, as I’d promised my mom I would do my very best.
The man with the microphone leaned over to me and asked if I had a song I’d like to share. “I sure do,” I said. I grabbing the microphone like a pro. I grinned up at him and started belting out Jasmine Thompon’s “You Are My Sunshine”…The other night, dear…As I lay sleeping…I dreamed I held you, in my arms…” I sang my heart out and finished the song to a rousing applause and I was so excited, I started to jump up and down.
To my delight, the audience laughed and clapped even louder! As these cheers rang in my ears, I scanned the audience looking for my mom. As my gaze landed on her, I was stunned to see a strange look on her face. She was clearly thoroughly embarrassed as she slid further down into her seat.
I stared at her for what seemed like an eternity and my excitement vanished as my heart sank. I walked off stage on shaky legs and was met by the pageant official, a stern looking lady with a frown on her face. “Stop being such a show-off, Patsy Jo,” she snarled, grabbing me off the stairs and pinching my arm really hard in the process. My excitement from just moments ago plummeted as I walked off-stage with my head held low in shame and confusion.
Looking back, I realize it was on that fateful day when I started believing I had to “play small” and “keep my power submerged.” I couldn’t ever shine, and I couldn’t ever be too bright, too powerful, or be too much. I
Couldn’t be too good or too loud. In other words, I couldn’t be ME!
Fortunately, 10 years later, I broke free from that horrible lie. My family and I were visiting my little sister at the State Home for the Mentally Retarded and decided to go out for a meal together. It had been almost a month since I’d seen her and I missed her like crazy. We chose Happy Harold’s Restaurant in Omaha. As we were eating, Gayle became extremely excited and was loudly voicing her approval of the fried chicken and pile of mashed potatoes in front of her. I was lost in her joy and I didn’t notice at first the family sitting at the table across from us.
I happened to turn my head at one point to look at them and was horrified to see them laughing and making fun as they pointed at Gayle. Not only were the children laughing, but the parents were chuckling as well, completely oblivious to the impact they were having on their own children, but more importantly on me and on Gayle.
My blood began to boil and I became angrier and angrier and when I could stand it no more, I jumped out of my chair to put a stop to it. My mother yanked me back down. “Just let it go,” she said, looking around self-consciously, but as I continued to watch them, the oldest son began to mimic my sister’s attempt to verbalize her feelings.
Well, that was it! I had always been Gayle’s protector, and I said to myself, “Oh, hell no! No more, not on my watch, this stops now!”
I can still hear the sound of my own chair scraping loudly on the floor as I stood up. I took my sister by the hand, walked her over to their table in defiance, and said, “Hi, I’m Pat, and I’d like you to meet my sister, Gayle.” The dad snickered and the kids followed suit. “Gayle is a very special little girl,” I continued calmly.
I’m pretty sure my mother was dying of embarrassment again, as everyone in the room got really quiet and held their breath watching the offending mother’s face turn bright red. I plowed on, unaffected by the silence and the stares. “You see, Gayle is severely mentally retarded and she’ll never be able to speak…the mental ability just isn’t there.” I paused and took a breath. “And what makes her really special is that she will never have the ability…or… the meanness of spirit to make fun of someone much less fortunate than her.”
There was total silence. You could have heard a pin drop in that restaurant. I smiled sweetly at them for a long while and then took Gayle by the hand, proudly walking arm and arm out of the eerily quiet restaurant. She and I giggled and skipped down the street to the car as if nothing had happened and I decided then and there to reverse the decision of a certain little 5-year-old..The one who years earlier had decided to play small and powerless.
Something woke up in me that day – I decided to take a stand for the dismissed and the disregarded. I vowed to give voice to those that don’t have a voice and to put a stake in the ground for people that can’t yet do that for themselves.
I did it for my sister that day, I’ve done it as an educator with a class full of kids who ran with gangs, and for the past 40 years I’ve done it for my clients.
Sure, the people I serve these days are successful and have their own businesses, but I find there are always areas of their lives where they aren’t showing up, using their voice, or advocating for the kind of world they want to live and work in. I help these folks take risks, face their fears and build kick-butt lives and businesses.
To learn more about how I work with people and how I can support you, fill out the contact form and let us know you would like to book a free strategy session with me.
Just the facts, Ma’am…
- I’ve been in private practice since 1980, with a wide variety of clients, including CEOs and corporate leaders, online and brick and mortar business owners, salespeople and athletes.
- I have a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology.
- I am an award winning Board Certified Hypnoanalyst through the American Academy of Medical Hypnoanalysts, where I served as a national trainer, president and filled various board positions, as well as a contributor to their professional journal.
- I’m a former teacher in a variety of settings:
- Preschool students with behavioral challenges
- High school level special needs students, where she developed special needs curriculum for the school
- College psychology students, which included firefighters, EMTs and members of the police department
- Doctors and psychologists, whom she trained in Medical Hypnoanalysis.
- Author of the book, The Practical Guide to Figuring Yourself Out: How to Go from Stuck to Star of Your Life and the recently released ebook, Hold it Right There!