Pat Honiotes, M.S.

It was 1952 and there I was… a 5 year old little girl standing in the wings of a huge theater waiting for my turn to perform in The Little Miss Grand Island Beauty Pageant in Grand Island, Nebraska. I watched as all the other little girls recited their cute little poems and sang the usual songs 5-year-olds sing , like Mary Had a Little Lamb and London Bridge Has Fallen Down…but not me. I had worked on something truly special, as I’d promised my mom I would do my very best.

The man with the microphone leaned over to me and asked if I had a song I’d like to share. “I sure do,” I said. I grabbing the microphone like a pro. I grinned up at him and started belting out Jasmine Thompon’s “You Are My Sunshine”…The other night, dear…As I lay sleeping…I dreamed I held you, in my arms…” I sang my heart out and finished the song to a rousing applause and I was so excited, I started to jump up and down.

To my delight, the audience laughed and clapped even louder! As these cheers rang in my ears, I scanned the audience looking for my mom. As my gaze landed on her, I was stunned to see a strange look on her face. She was clearly thoroughly embarrassed as she slid further down into her seat.

I stared at her for what seemed like an eternity and my excitement vanished as my heart sank. I walked off stage on shaky legs and was met by the pageant official, a stern looking lady with a frown on her face. “Stop being such a show-off, Patsy Jo,” she snarled, grabbing me off the stairs and pinching my arm really hard in the process. My excitement from just moments ago plummeted as I walked off-stage with my head held low in shame and confusion.

Looking back, I realize it was on that fateful day when I started believing I had to “play small” and “keep my power submerged.” I couldn’t ever shine, and I couldn’t ever be too bright, too powerful, or be too much. I
Couldn’t be too good or too loud. In other words, I couldn’t be ME!

Fortunately, 10 years later, I broke free from that horrible lie. My family and I were visiting my little sister at the State Home for the Mentally Retarded and decided to go out for a meal together. It had been almost a month since I’d seen her and I missed her like crazy. We chose Happy Harold’s Restaurant in Omaha. As we were eating, Gayle became extremely excited and was loudly voicing her approval of the fried chicken and pile of mashed potatoes in front of her. I was lost in her joy and I didn’t notice at first the family sitting at the table across from us.

I happened to turn my head at one point to look at them and was horrified to see them laughing and making fun as they pointed at Gayle. Not only were the children laughing, but the parents were chuckling as well, completely oblivious to the impact they were having on their own children, but more importantly on me and on Gayle.

My blood began to boil and I became angrier and angrier and when I could stand it no more, I jumped out of my chair to put a stop to it. My mother yanked me back down. “Just let it go,” she said, looking around self-consciously, but as I continued to watch them, the oldest son began to mimic my sister’s attempt to verbalize her feelings.

Well, that was it! I had always been Gayle’s protector, and I said to myself, “Oh, hell no! No more, not on my watch, this stops now!”

I can still hear the sound of my own chair scraping loudly on the floor as I stood up. I took my sister by the hand, walked her over to their table in defiance, and said, “Hi, I’m Pat, and I’d like you to meet my sister, Gayle.” The dad snickered and the kids followed suit. “Gayle is a very special little girl,” I continued calmly.

I’m pretty sure my mother was dying of embarrassment again, as everyone in the room got really quiet and held their breath watching the offending mother’s face turn bright red. I plowed on, unaffected by the silence and the stares. “You see, Gayle is severely mentally retarded and she’ll never be able to speak…the mental ability just isn’t there.” I paused and took a breath. “And what makes her really special is that she will never have the ability…or… the meanness of spirit to make fun of someone much less fortunate than her.”

There was total silence. You could have heard a pin drop in that restaurant. I smiled sweetly at them for a long while and then took Gayle by the hand, proudly walking arm and arm out of the eerily quiet restaurant. She and I giggled and skipped down the street to the car as if nothing had happened and I decided then and there to reverse the decision of a certain little 5-year-old..The one who years earlier had decided to play small and powerless.

Something woke up in me that day – I decided to take a stand for the dismissed and the disregarded. I vowed to give voice to those that don’t have a voice and to put a stake in the ground for people that can’t yet do that for themselves.

I did it for my sister that day, I’ve done it as an educator with a class full of kids who ran with gangs, and for the past 40 years I’ve done it for my clients.

Sure, the people I serve these days are successful and have their own businesses, but I find there are always areas of their lives where they aren’t showing up, using their voice, or advocating for the kind of world they want to live and work in. I help these folks take risks, face their fears and build kick-butt lives and businesses.

To learn more about how I work with people and how I can support you, fill out the contact form and let us know you would like to book a free strategy session with me.

Just the facts, Ma’am…

  • I’ve been in private practice since 1980, with a wide variety of clients, including CEOs and corporate leaders, online and brick and mortar business owners, salespeople and athletes.
  • I have a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology.
  • I am an award winning Board Certified Hypnoanalyst through the American Academy of Medical Hypnoanalysts, where I served as a national trainer, president and filled various board positions, as well as a contributor to their professional journal.
  • I’m a former teacher in a variety of settings:
    • Preschool students with behavioral challenges
    • High school level special needs students, where she developed special needs curriculum for the school
    • College psychology students, which included firefighters, EMTs and members of the police department
    • Doctors and psychologists, whom she trained in Medical Hypnoanalysis.
  • Author of the book, The Practical Guide to Figuring Yourself Out: How to Go from Stuck to Star of Your Life and the recently released ebook, Hold it Right There!

The Setting and Honoring Boundaries class gave me the ability to recognize the areas in my life and business that were causing me stress and angst. I learned how to uncover what was under that stress and yep, no boundaries! In a short period of time, I created and have stuck to (it’s a daily practice) boundaries that serve me and my business. I am so grateful to be part of this journey of learning and growing that Pat offers her clients.

Jena Thompson
I’m a coach and I’ve been coached on and off for years, so it takes a certain kind of person to work with me. What sets Pat apart is her ability to cut through the crap and get straight to the gold. She doesn’t pull any punches or let you off the hook, either. If you really want to GO for something, Pat won’t let you settle for less.

Pat helped me see disempowering thinking that had been caked on for decades – essentially programming me to stay stuck and ineffective… and that was just the first session!

But be warned! Pat’s not for everyone. You have to be willing to go deep, be vulnerable, and get honest with yourself. When you do, you’ll find a coach that’s supportive, compassionate, and ready to be there for you as you clear out the hard stuff. If that’s not your bag, then don’t waste your time… or hers!

Lisa Robbin-Young
I have known Pat Honiotes for many years as a dear friend. I respect her work immensely and understand what she has done for others. I am 71 and have embarked on a new career journey and was feeling stuck. It was more than stuck; I was paralyzed. I just could not move forward and do what needed to be done. I reached out to Pat, and we agreed to work together. I was able to take off my “friend” hat and do the work. She guided me to bust through my blocks in record Jme, and I now have a renewed enthusiasm for my work. My respect for her work has grown. I highly recommend working with Pat to dive in and see the treasures you have hidden inside you. Thanks Pat.
Nancy Heimstra

My individual coaching calls with Pat give me a safe space where I am supported to look honestly at myself and the challenges, issues and gifts in my everyday life in a way that helps me heal, learn, grow AND take empowered action.

Teresa Romain

In collaborating with Pat over the last 10 months, I have learned more about setting and honoring boundaries, being the nucleus of your life, and tuning into your feelings, than I have ever could have imagined.

An excellent teacher and guide, Pat was able to help me uncover my mission in life, for which I am very grateful.

It has been refreshing to watch her support others with dignity and respect, without coddling or enabling them. It’s entertaining to see her face light up when she helps people discover something they were not aware of previously.

Her sense of humor and mischievous mind make the darkest days lighter.

Susie Moon
One step at a time, I have been working with Pat Honiotes for many years.

It is true what I have heard her say, “You do not have to be sick to get better”. On the surface, I could live this life. But I had underlying insecurity, filled with fear that I would not admit; even to myself. And, oh, the deprecating mind chatter!

One step at a time I have been able to accept the truth of what was hidden inside and bring it into the sunlight. This takes courage and being supported all the way with Pat’s nonjudgmental encouragement, guidance and “having my back” . She truly wants her clients to grow beyond her as she walks the talk in truth and consistency. Seeing the truth can be difficult and painful. Pat does not “rescue” to make me feel good. She helps me; with patience, to know the truth, to be real and from that place to express my gifts and talents, to tap into my potential and discover that I am a whole lot smarter than I ever thought I was! This is the way to freedom!

One step at a time, I am still getting better and better at living this life and becoming happier and happier as I do! I feel very grateful for Pat, who could see me when I could not see myself.

I love her chuckle; that comes right from the earth, and her saying how she just loves what she gets to do every day!

Pauline Uruski

I joined Pat’s class on emotions, during one of the most difficult times in my life. I had no idea how closed off I was and shut down in terms of expressing my emotions. I discovered the importance of emotions and the direct correlation this has on my family, my life and my business. Being in the group helped me realize that it’s common for people to have difficulty and misunderstanding around emotions. What was useful for me was learning tools and techniques to navigate emotions and practice with expressing them in a way that served me to reach my goals. I highly recommend Pat’s course to get you on track to your authentic self and propel you forward to reach your goals.

Kirsty Blattner